From the album Box for Buddy, Box for Star (Super Deluxe)
This is a song about someone who finally got permission to be angry but still can't stop asking their gaslighter for validation. The entire song is framed as testimony against an abuser, but every chorus loops back to the same question: where's your love now? Which means the narrator is still looking for proof that the person who taught them shame once cared about them at all.
I'm gonna let me be angry / 'Cause I tried to be fine for too damn long
The phrasing is almost apologetic, like anger is something she has to grant herself permission for. That 'let me' construction tells you how hard she's had to work just to feel something she was already entitled to.
Shaking hands, I touch words that you said out loud / My crying eyes that could only look down in shame
She's physically reenacting trauma here, touching the words like they're objects that still burn. The shame wasn't something she felt privately. It was performed publicly, eyes forced down, and that detail matters because it shows how completely the other person controlled even her body language.
I'm gonna let me be selfish / 'Cause I laid down my life for you all last year
Calling self-preservation 'selfish' is the clearest sign she's still operating inside the framework this person built for her. A year of total self-erasure, and she thinks taking any of that back is greed.
That hole in my chest still wishes you all the best / But I'm hearin' it now
This might be the most honest line in the song. The health she keeps claiming doesn't actually exist yet. The hole is still there, still generously wishing this person well, and she can hear how wrong that is even as she says it.
I said, where's your love now?
The question gets asked five times, and it's never rhetorical. She genuinely wants to know. The whole song is evidence that this person never loved her, but she's still waiting for proof that they did, even now, even after everything.
The saddest part is that she thinks this song is about getting free, but it's actually about still being tethered. She's healthier, sure. But she's also still asking where the love went, which means she's still negotiating with a version of this person that never existed. The hole in her chest is wishing them well. That's not closure. That's just proof the work isn't done yet.