From the album A Duck's Water Off My Back
This is a song about mistaking self-inflation for self-improvement. Richard keeps asking himself how he does it, but what he's actually doing is building a résumé of meaningless presidencies and perfect marmalade spreads while the definition of success gets smaller and smaller. The advice-giver has no advice, just an escalating list of things he's convinced himself count as achievement.
I am a living American blonde / I am a young prince scheming for the throne that you're on
Richard introduces himself with grand declarations that deflate on contact. Being a 'living American blonde' is just existing with hair color. The prince metaphor promises ambition, but the only throne he ever mentions is someone else's, and the scheming never actually happens.
French Opening across the kitchen tiles, knocking into everyone / I used to have a passing shot / They'd say 'shot Richard, lovely passing shot'
The song's most specific memory of competence is a tennis compliment from an unnamed 'they,' and even that exists in past tense. Richard is French Opening across kitchen tiles now, which means he's practicing tennis footwork in a domestic space where it serves no function except performance.
Now evening wine invokes a purple-prosing demon in me / And I am trying to be very direct here / I am trying to write the perfect sentence
Richard blames the overwrought language on wine, but he's been purple-prosing since the first line. The 'demon' is just his regular speaking voice. He says he's trying to be direct immediately after calling himself 'the fynbos, resplendent with birdsong.'
Execute the perfect burnout / Perfect circles on the tarmac / Execute the perfect spread of marmalade on toast
The song's endgame is burnout circles and marmalade spreading, both framed with military precision language. Richard has turned mundane actions into high-stakes tests because he needs something to excel at, and the actual achievements have run out. Prosperity has been redefined down to breakfast.
Will you shatter the lava lamps / Let them bleed out on a promenade?
Richard's fantasy death involves scattering ashes in a '2-bit landscape' and breaking lava lamps on a promenade, which might be the most honest thing he says. He wants a dramatic exit but can only imagine it happening in cheap, kitschy spaces. Even his hypothetical memorial is suburban and small.
The song ends with Richard imagining his death as a theatrical gesture involving shattered lava lamps, which is the clearest sign that he knows none of this matters but can't stop performing anyway. Prosperity was supposed to be the reward for knuckling down, but it turned into a word he repeats in the chorus without ever defining what it actually looks like.
Champion Trees' "Richard 2" depicts a character mistaking self-inflation for genuine self-improvement, according to Scalpel's line-by-line analysis. Richard compiles an ever-expanding résumé of hollow accomplishments, from meaningless presidencies to perfect marmalade spreads, while his definition of success shrinks. The song captures how the advice-giver offers no real guidance, only an escalating list of things he's convinced himself represent achievement.
"Richard 2" by Champion Trees explores he's asking himself the question he can't answer, presidencies of nothing, perfectionism as a substitute for purpose, and the gap between how he sounds and what he admits. The central thread is he's asking himself the question he can't answer: Richard keeps chanting 'how do you do it?' These themes come from Scalpel's line-by-line analysis of the lyrics.
"Richard 2" by Champion Trees was released on November 20, 2025 on the album "A Duck's Water Off My Back". Scalpel's analysis covers the full lyrics of the 2025 release.
Scalpel's line-by-line analysis of "Richard 2" by Champion Trees lands here: The song ends with Richard imagining his death as a theatrical gesture involving shattered lava lamps, which is the clearest sign that he knows none of this matters but can't stop performing anyway. Prosperity was supposed to be the reward for knuckling down, but it turned into a word he repeats in the chorus without ever defining what it actually looks like.