From the album Perverts
This is a song about someone who's chosen numbness over heartbreak and keeps insisting it's a choice when the numbness itself proves it isn't. The speaker treats picking up pills as agency—'the devil I know is the devil I want'—but by the end she can't feel anything at all, which means there was never a real decision being made, just compulsion dressed up as control.
Um, I don't know / I— I'll take it / Um, how much? / I would recommend that you take just as much as you need to feel good
The intro frames the entire transaction as negotiation, like she's being offered something medicinal instead of self-destruction. The dealer's advice—'just as much as you need to feel good'—becomes the justification for everything that follows, treating dosage as if it solves the problem when the problem is needing a dose at all.
Before she leaves / Amber waves at me / Days go by, time on without me
Amber is both the person leaving and the pills keeping her company, which collapses the difference between losing someone and choosing the substance that replaces them. The pun isn't clever wordplay—it's how she avoids admitting one caused the other.
I still kick rocks when the walking is good / And pretend at the chain link that I am the wood / As I'm leaning my head back / Saying 'Take me, I ain't gonna scream'
She's performing surrender to an inanimate fence, asking the world to consume her without resistance. This is the same grammar as Preacher's Daughter's worst moments—turning victimhood into a script she's rehearsing even when nobody's there to perform it for.
Is it not fun, oh / In the catatonia / Maybe it's true / You were nothing to me / I can't feel anything
The question 'is it not fun' is asked like she's still defending the high, but catatonia isn't fun and she knows it. Claiming Amber meant nothing while ending with total numbness is the song admitting what the speaker can't—that if love meant nothing, she wouldn't need this much nothing to replace it.
The song ends with 'I can't feel anything,' which makes every earlier claim of being alright sound like the opposite of what it says. She wanted the devil she knows, and what she knows now is that the devil doesn't let you feel the difference between losing someone and not caring at all.