From the album Daughter from Hell
She keeps the knife because keeping it means the wound still belongs to someone else. The second she pulls it out, she has to admit she's been doing this to herself the entire time. She talks about burning everything down with kerosene while 'keeping your knife' like that's revenge, but it's the opposite. She's choosing to stay stuck.
I'm living with a knife in my side / I'm gonna take it for a joy ride
She doesn't say 'suffering with' or 'dying with.' She says living with. The joy ride line is pure self-aware defiance. She knows it's absurd and she's doing it anyway.
When you go ruin my life / In the worst way right at the wrong time / When I'd have followed you blind
The verb tense is past but the wound is present. She switches 'when you ruined' to 'when you go ruin' like it's still happening in real time. The blind following isn't something she regrets. It's something she still wants credit for.
I'll probably feel you 'til I die / But I'll never face you or ever replace you
This is the narrator's blindspot. She claims she'll never face them, but this entire song is facing them. Three minutes of direct confrontation disguised as avoidance. She thinks she's refusing to engage. She's actually refusing to let go.
This should be the last time
The refrain shifts from 'should be' to 'won't be' by the end. She's not making a decision. She's arguing herself from hope into resignation and pretending it's strength.
I'll be burning this down, but keeping your knife / This won't be the last time
She ends with kerosene and a knife she refuses to remove. That's not closure. That's a manifesto for staying wounded. The knife isn't something done to her anymore. It's something she's doing to herself.
The last line flips from 'should be' to 'won't be' like it's a mic drop, but it's actually surrender. She walks away from this song more committed to the knife than she was at the start. That might be the most honest thing she says.